dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
