a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
