upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
