so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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