Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
