i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
