could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
