Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
