I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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