meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize