im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize