somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
