i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
