What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
