Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
