Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
