We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
