..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
