Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
