how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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