batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
