The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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