the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
