Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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