Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
