my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
