ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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