I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
