there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
