Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
