just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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