it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
