"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
