oh god the rape fog is back!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
