Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
