My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
