Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he thought i was a dude.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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