mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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