Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
