your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
FUCK WHALES
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