Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
