This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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