I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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