All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
