i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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