the condom got lost in my hair
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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