just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
