Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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