I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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