I swear she didn't look like that last week.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
