you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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