then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
