y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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