I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
