hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
