"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
