he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
