Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
