woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
