We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
