I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
