I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
