i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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