Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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