Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
