So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
